If You Know What I Mean wink

2012-02-11T13:37:00.000-06:00

A half in a less than 2 days.

Achievement Unlocked.

2012-02-07T09:25:00.002-06:00

The pleasure of finding things out - Feynman

2012-02-05T17:02:00.002-06:00

I walked into a door for the first time ever today.

It wasn't pleasant.

2012-02-02T14:33:00.000-06:00

Zip. Zap. Zip. Zip. Zoom. Zip. Zip. Zap. Zip. Zap. Zip. Zap. Zoom. Zip. Zip. Zap. Za..

Fuck.

You have a sheepish grin on your face as you sit back on the couch and relax, watching the others continue.

2012-02-02T00:48:00.000-06:00

I've had the perfect first few weeks in college. Everything has somehow magically fallen into place, I have some mad interesting courses, the weather has been beautiful (sunny in January? Hell yes) and i've begun to become more productive.

Good karma lol?

2012-01-19T09:22:00.000-06:00

"A Computer Scientist is one part scientist, one part engineer and one part philosopher. This is your philosophy course. You'll spend a large amount of your time just staring at the wall and thinking. Be prepared for that".

The Peak

2012-01-12T11:01:00.000-06:00

"You peaked way too early".

True story.

Time to change that, methinks. Its on.

Kaleidoscope

2012-01-11T10:40:00.000-06:00

And just like that, you're gone

I will visit you sometime this semester. I might even just drop by one weekend and expect you to show me around, get me drunk, introduce me to some pretty girls, get me some good Southern food and make sure i don't end up in a ditch.

Be good. Take care of yourself as much as you take care of me.

Unscathed

2012-01-04T12:54:00.000-06:00

Don't ask me how, but i have no scars from any of my little adventures this semester.

2012-01-02T14:42:00.000-06:00

'Cause you're the storm i believe in

2011-12-25T09:05:00.002-06:00

Aw c'mon. We all have our moments of weakness, no?

2011-12-23T05:52:00.001-06:00

I think i just won.

2011-12-20T08:02:00.000-06:00

I got my yearly evaluation from Ditti today.

"You need a haircut".

"Stop acting so feminine" (when i moved my hair from over my eyes).

These were literally the first 2 things she said to me. And its not even like we meet everyday - i met her after almost a year.

Annoyed? Yes. Feel loved? Yes.

I'm happy like a fool.

2011-12-18T01:40:00.000-06:00

"Your eyes say things your mouth wouldn't dare utter".

Yes, its been a beautiful semester.

2011-12-16T22:05:00.000-06:00

"We are doing it for the lulz" - Anonymous

2011-12-15T11:44:00.000-06:00

So.

Do you see?

Or is it just me?

Rule of thumb

2011-12-13T04:18:00.000-06:00

McCartney when you're high, Lennon when you're tripping.

r/

2011-12-13T00:18:00.000-06:00

"Did you know...?"

"It was on TIL today, na? Also, the one about..."

"Oh yeah.. And did you see today's IAmA's? There was this one about..."

"Holy shit. The comment on..."

Its impossible to hold an interesting with other redditors. You know exactly what the other person is going to say before they finish the sentence.

2011-12-10T22:13:00.002-06:00

Remember that day?

2011-12-10T16:09:00.002-06:00

Dear reddit and Cracked,

Its finals week. Please leave me alone.

Thank you,
Parth

Personal Triumphs

2011-12-05T11:00:00.001-06:00

"Fuck you", one of my burly 6 foot something friends said to me.

"Huh?", i looked back at him, slightly annoyed to have my concentration broken, mostly curious.

"I haven't stopped listening to Dark Side of the Moon since last night. All your fault!"

"You owe me, yeah?", i grinned back at him.

I've finally prodded someone who listens to mostly dubstep into enjoying Pink Floyd. Dubstep isn't bad, no. But i'm glad hes finally gotten into Floyd. Welcome to the tribe. Personal Triumph #1.

I also fulfilled a semester long dream of mine of doing my coding assignment inebriated. Admittedly, i didn't finish it entirely, but i got some decent work done. Personal Triumph #2.

I got a 96 on my Data Structures midterm. Personal Triumph #3.

2011-12-01T14:05:00.002-06:00

Infected Mushroom at Canopy tonight. Aw yeah!

2011-12-01T04:25:00.002-06:00

Tonight i found myself, alone with the truth.

2011-11-27T02:37:00.000-06:00

"You just can't stand good things happening to you, can you?"

Hmm, interesting. It got me thinking.

My heart skipped a beat

2011-11-26T05:38:00.000-06:00

Steven Wilson's gig at the Park West (the same place 'Arriving Somewhere...' was recorded) was probably the most fulfilling night i've had in a long time.

Time?

2011-11-25T05:33:00.000-06:00

How long has it been? I wonder.

It can't have been in the recent past - most of it is blurry. It couldn't have been too long ago either - i remember some of it in incredible detail.

2 years? 3? Maybe even 4.

No. 4 is a stretch. 3, i think. Or 2. I dunno.

But yeah, its been a while. Its slightly annoying that i don't remember exactly. For some reason, I can't get myself to put everything on a timeline.

2011-11-23T03:27:00.000-06:00

California, baby!

2011-11-16T05:11:00.000-06:00

They've started again.

Oh fuck.

2011-11-15T17:26:00.000-06:00

Rediscovering sobriety.

Its not bad, i must admit.

2011-11-11T05:23:00.000-06:00

"You're short of breath".

"... and one day closer to death", i grinned back at her, paraphrasing Pink Floyd.

"Your eyes are bloodshot red", she grimaced.

I smiled at her and winked. "I'm having the time of my life. I did really well on my Data Structures midterm. I'm allowed to blow of some steam, yeah?"

She stormed out of the room. Too exhausted to move, i stared at the wall and eventually drifted into a deep sleep on my couch.

Not Again..

2011-11-10T12:47:00.002-06:00

Its getting cold.

Oh fuck.

2011-11-08T20:20:00.001-06:00

What happens now?

2011-11-07T01:27:00.002-06:00

Freshmen.

Lol.

Divide by Zero

2011-11-05T05:47:00.000-05:00

I've finally reached that point - the point where i know i can't go on anymore. Its been a beautiful week. One of the best weeks of my life.

But its 4 in the morning and i'm exhausted. Yesterday and today made me realize i can't go on like this for much longer. I need to slow down. I need to do things one step at a time. I need to sleep and eat properly.

I've been tripping on some pretty cool math. Be mindfucked:
Bailey-Borwein-Plouffe Formula
Tupper's Self-Referential Formula (i wasted an entire evening trying to fathom the brilliance of this)

2011-11-01T01:45:00.000-05:00

"Somewhere on the other side of unhappy" - Oz.

2011-10-31T11:46:00.000-05:00

Explosions in the Sky and Steven Wilson in the same semester?

Oh yes. It doesn't get better. Can't wait for November 18th!

Dear ABCD

2011-10-28T05:16:00.000-05:00

Dear average ABCD (i.e. American Born Confused Desi),

Please stop calling yourself more Indian than me. You really aren't.

Just because you watch more Bollywood movies than i do, are in the Raas team and pretend to watch cricket matches (when in fact you barely know the rules and often fall asleep 10 overs into the game), does not make you Indian. Agreed, all these things are part of being Indian, but theres more to it.You don't know what being Indian is - you're merely of Indian origin.

You're not Indian because you haven't understood India. You've not seen the poverty that exists. You've not seen the slums. You've not seen the fight for one square meal a day the average person needs to go through. You've not seen the zeal that most Indians have to make sure their children have a better life than they do. You've not seen the sacrifices parents make for their children. You've not seen how large parts of the population are ostracized. You've not seen the hospitality that exists in even the poorest families.

You've never argued with an auto-driver. You've never had to stand in a line for hours just to be told that you'd need to come back again the next day. You've never gotten out of your vehicle to help someone knee-deep in the monsoon rain. You've never lived through multiple day-long power cuts.

You've never played galli cricket. Or Gili Danda. You've never eaten bandi chat. You didn't have one of the best days of your life when Sachin scored his 200 or when India won the World Cup for the second time. You don't have good friends of every possible religion you can imagine. You've not lived in a place where every household has its own version of rasam, or undhiu, or even cholle.

You've not understood how diverse India is. You've not understood how difficult, and at the same time surprisingly easy, it is for so many different communities to live together. You've not understood the underlying beauty in this fact.

Just because you're of Indian origin does not make you automatically good at math. You need to work towards it - it doesn't come to you overnight. Or genetically.

You're as Indian as a white guy with a tan. You're not confused. You're just lying to yourself and to others.

Admittedly, i'm not the most Indian person out there. But i'm definitely more Indian than you'll ever be. So don't ever think otherwise.

Thank you.

SegFault

2011-10-27T06:45:00.000-05:00

Fuck Segmentation faults.

Can i please go back to Java and not have to deal with this?

Not Cool

2011-10-25T03:15:00.000-05:00

"Not cool guys. So not cool," i said, fearing the worst.

"You can't stop us na?" they giggled.

Three of my closest friends came to my class today. It was disastrous. Or hilarious, depending on how you look at it. They sat in the last row, smiling and laughing. One of them repeatedly sent me texts, so my phone kept vibrating while i wrote on the whiteboard. One of them started laughing so hard and then began to hiccup. She then ran out of the class to make sure none of the actual students got disturbed.

Sigh.

They even managed to take a picture.

I love you guys :)

The Only Moment We Were Alone

2011-09-27T05:37:00.000-05:00

Munaf Rayani muted his guitar and slapped it, sweat dripping down his long black hair. It was an eerie sound - a well known sound to anyone who has heard Explosions in the Sky.

It was one of the most beautiful nights of my life.

2011-09-25T00:29:00.000-05:00

Suddenly.. the smokes gone.

The first snow falls gently.

A shiver runs down my spine.

And in this moment i'm happy.

Sneaky

2011-09-20T22:19:00.000-05:00

"Andrew, i think i've gotten it!" i exclaimed when i ran into him at Siebel. He looked up at me curiously. "Go ahead".

"Hold up, hold up", i said, rummaging in my bag for the piece of paper i'd written the solution on.

Some of the TAs had been working on a particular problem which none of us had gotten - it was quite tricky.

"Okay, here it is. See. You start off with this... substitute this in there... split into these 3 cases... then we know that... and we know... so you've proved the first two cases... the third case is obviously trivial... so we've proved it", i said, almost out of breath.

I looked up at him. His forehead was furrowed in thought, as he tried to go over everything i'd said to make sure it made sense. He suddenly broke into a grin.

"Sneaky, aren't you?" he said, smiling. I laughed back. "Quite sneaky, i must say", he continued. He stared at the proof and smiled again.

2011-09-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

I stumbled on the stairs up to my physics class. I tripped again a few steps later. While getting up the second time, i fell over and landed on my side. "Fuck", i said under my breath.

The stranger next to me started laughing. "Had a rough night, eh?", she grinned broadly at me.

I shrugged and smiled back. "If only you knew", i said

She gave me a quick reassuring smile and hurried off to class.

If only she knew.

I smiled as i walked into my physics class. It'd been an amazing week.

Reality Checks

2011-09-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

I had my first reality check of the semester two hours into moving into our apartment. It was beyond beautiful. That afternoon is etched in my memory forever as one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I had my second reality check a few days ago. It sucked. But it was necessary. And i'm glad it happened.

Both changed me forever.

Thanks Chambana, for everything you've given me. I'm so glad to be back - this place automatically makes me ecstatic.

2011-08-30T11:29:00.000-05:00

"Hi.. my name is Parth Gandhi and i'm going to be your undergrad TA this semester for CS173", i said awkwardly in front of a discussion section of 30 kids. I was nervous - extremely nervous. I was certain i knew my stuff, but i'd never taught a class before and i didn't know how to go about it. It was also slightly weird teaching kids as old as me, if not older.

A few minutes into the class i was in the zone. This was stuff i knew really well - and even though i was scared of blanking out completely my first time, it all came flooding back to me. I moved from one whiteboard to the other, scribbling equations and doing my best to point out the subtleties in each.

"So how would you solve this if you were given k=1 instead of k=0?", i asked. "Um, wont it just be the same thing but with a correction term at the end?", a girl in the front row answered after a brief pause. "Perfect", i smiled as i showed the rest of the class what she was talking about.

"I'm supposed to be doing some calculus examples right now, but i know thats the last thing you want to do on a Monday afternoon, so i'll leave you guys a few minutes early. Sounds good? I'll see everyone next week!", i said as i shut off my laptop and closed my notes.

It promises to be an incredible semester! Bring it on, Chambana, bring it on.

2011-08-26T15:35:00.002-05:00

500034 to 61820.

2011-08-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

Best news i've gotten all summer. Sigh. It just makes me want to be back in Chambana more than ever. 4 more days till i leave!

More details later. Promise.

2011-08-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

You were never the bad guy - regardless of what i've ever said, regardless of what its come across as, regardless of what people think.

2011-08-13T12:14:00.000-05:00

My perfect girl would laugh as hard at this as i did.

Warning: You'll need a pretty strong mathematical background (or the patience to go through several wiki pages) to understand it completely.

2011-08-11T14:07:00.000-05:00

Saudade

Storytelling

2011-08-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

"Tell me a story", she said, peering over the table at him.

"I don't know any. Unless you want to hear one i made up last year about suicidal blueberries", Patrick replied, laughing.

"No", her forehead furrowed, "tell me your story".

It'd been 6 years since they'd last spoken, so yes he had a lot of stories to tell. He didn't want to though. He wanted them to pick up from exactly where they'd left off. He just remained quiet.

"Tell me", she repeated as she gently kicked his foot under the table. Patrick knew he didn't have a choice.

He told her. It took many rounds of drinks, several long pauses as he tried to figure out the correct chronology of events, a few visits to the loo, and the occasional hi-how-are-you to an acquaintance who passed by his table, but Patrick told her everything.

They sat in silence for a while - she didn't know where to begin the questioning, and he was dreading answering her. Eventually she asked, "So, does it still bother you? I mean, i'd be disgusted if i were you". He'd known her well enough to know that she'd skip over all the happy stories he'd told her and concentrate on the few fucked up ones.

"No, not anymore. It did initially, though. It was inevitable that one of us broke the promises we'd made. I'm just glad it wasn't me first - at least i know i did all i could", Patrick said, a grim smile on his face as he took another sip of his drink.

With that, he deftly steered the conversation into more tolerable territory. The lights dimmed and both of them began to sway gently to the music. She got up from her seat and came and sat next to him, resting her head on his chest.

Patrick looked down at her as she squeezed his body in a tight hug. The lights threw a shadow on her face, but he knew she was smiling.

2011-08-07T14:30:00.000-05:00

Nothing has killed me yet. Not even you.

Doesn't mean i've lost faith in your ability to. I'm sure you'll succeed eventually.

2011-08-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that?", i said to him, trying hard to act annoyed. Instead, my face broke into a grin.

He laughed out loud and took another drag of his cigarette. He ignored me.

He blew the smoke towards the street lamp that hung over our heads. "I never thought i'd say this, but i'll actually miss you and S", he looked away and said. It was my turn to be silent. I didn't know what to say. It was unexpected, to say the least. I knew we were good friends, but it was just so unlike him to actually say it out loud. I knew how hard it'd been for him to admit it, it wasn't the sort of thing he usually did.

I looked at the small patch of soil in between the footpaths. The grass was just about breaking the surface. It was a pleasant change, after all those months of torturous snow. It began to drizzle.

"Finish your smoke. My bus is here and i refuse to wait around for the next one in this rain", i said.

He threw the butt on the ground and stubbed it with his shoe, only to take another cigarette out and light it. He didn't bother asking me to stay cause he knew i wouldn't leave. Not after all we'd been through together - no, i wouldn't leave just like that.

"You're a fucking asshole", i murmured as the bus left. He just smiled back.

He finished his cigarette. Neither of us had spoken in the previous few minutes. Another bus came, and i promised myself i'd get onto it.

"Chal, i'm leaving", i said. "I'll see you in a few months, yeah?"

"Have a good summer, kiddo", he replied as we hugged. I began to walk to the bus lost in thought.

What a year it'd been. Incredible.

2011-06-26T11:45:00.001-05:00

They were right about you.

Now you're here. Now you're not.

2011-06-04T14:14:00.000-05:00

The door slammed shut. Peter looked up from the corner of the room and saw Patrick standing next to the door, illuminated by the feeble light that the small lamp threw out. He beckoned him over with a wave of his hand.

Patrick walked across the room, carefully avoiding the broken furniture strewn all over, covered in cobwebs and grime. He sat down cross-legged opposite Peter and stared at the hookah between them. The coal shone bright each time a drag was taken, burning brightly before it came to its inevitable end.

A box lay next to the hookah. It was a plain wooden box with no distinguishing features, except that it weighed a lot more than it looked like it did.

"Are you ready?", Patrick asked.

"As always", Peter said, smiling. It was a dry, grim smile. A smile on anticipation; a smile of closure; a smile of sorrow; a smile of longing.

With a nod of approval from Peter, Patrick reached over to the box and solemnly opened it. He took out two guns and slid one over to Peter. The gun stopped spinning, the barrel pointing towards Peter. He picked it up and with a quick spin held it firmly in his hand. Patrick shut the box with a slight thud, and put a letter on top of it.

"Dear Ann, thank you", read the envelope.

As if having done it a million times together, both of them switched the safety off on their guns simultaneously and looked straight into each other's eyes. Peter raised his eyebrow. Patrick looked at the ground as he scratched his ear before trailing his hand across his forehead to move his long messy hair. This was it, they both thought.

They looked at each other again. The tension on their faces was apparent - had it finally come to this? Patrick smiled, and it was contagious enough to make Peter burst out into a laugh. They quickly calmed down again and raised both guns The guns were pointed towards the center of each other's foreheads. A drop of sweat dripped down Patrick's forehead and fell on his arm, making him flinch. Peter blinked slowly, calmly. They were smiling.

"Now you're here", Peter said.

They both pulled the trigger almost simultaneously.

"Now you're not", Patrick gasped with his last breath.

---

Ann walked into the room and saw the body of the man she loved. A letter lay next to him with her name on it along with dried up drops of blood. She forced herself not to cry as she walked out, leaving the letter behind.

2011-06-02T14:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Nepal,

Thanks for giving me Nikita-the one thing you've done correct.

Yours truly,
Parth Gandhi

900 Days

2011-05-31T12:57:00.000-05:00

Its been exactly 900 days since we first spoke.

Thank you for all the love, the hate, the pain, the anger and the joy.

2011-05-23T03:43:00.000-05:00

I found my thoughts.
I found the correct words to express them.

Its a pity you aren't around to hear me speak them.

2011-05-21T09:01:00.000-05:00

The man spoke for a few minutes and explained everything to his friend.

"Fuck that! Thats a stupid reason, and you know it", came the reply.

"I don't think so. Its the best i could do".

"Fuck you. Stop being stupid. You need to find a legit solution".

"I do", the man replied, not completely meaning it. He didn't mention that he'd searched for a solution for a year now. This was the best he could do. It really was.

2011-05-18T00:45:00.002-05:00

"Liar.
Lawyer.
Mirror.
Show me, whats the difference?"

2011-05-11T08:46:00.002-05:00

Oh calculus! Your beauty can only be surpassed by your usefulness.

2011-05-11T06:36:00.000-05:00

There are so many things i want to ask you. But i'm scared of the replies, so i don't. I'm scared i'll go back to who i used to be, scared this strength that i see myself having now is only transient, scared that i'll end up hurting myself and never recover.

So i'll let things be. I'm not used to ignorance, but i'll have to live with it for now.

I want a hug from Sanj or Diti. I know i give bad hugs, but that doesn't mean i don't like getting them.

2011-05-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

I was interrogated by a police detective for half an hour yesterday morning. It was the scariest, coolest, and most epic thing that has ever happened to me.

My life has more excitement than i can handle. Presumably thats a good thing.

I've Been There

2011-05-05T22:54:00.000-05:00

One of my closest friends is at the same place i was a year ago. Well, i was slightly better off cause i knew what the fuck i wanted from life, and i refused to compromise on it. She doesn't. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it just makes her life a helluva lot tougher.

All i can say is: Think. Trust your mind and nothing else. Talk to people, take their advice. It helps. But always trust yourself, you'll never regret it. Figure out your priorities.

I did all of that. Admittedly, my life was hell the first few months. I hated my life. I hated myself for making the choices i did. You will too. But it'll get better eventually. You'll have the best time of your life. And you'll love yourself for it.

Finals

2011-05-04T11:21:00.000-05:00

My finals start this friday.

Am i freaking out? Yes.

Okbye. Need to study.

In the meantime, check out Cracking the Scratch Lottery Code.

2011-05-02T01:19:00.002-05:00

I've found a better you. I've found a better me.

2011-05-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

Its the irony thats killing me. Nothing else.

2011-04-27T01:06:00.000-05:00

"Even though she's the one who did this to you, you never thought to question 'Why?'"

"What can i possibly get out of it? An apology? Her getting hurt? I want neither", the man replied, calm as ever.

"Don't you want to know?"

"I do. But to what end? I'd rather just let things be."

With that, the man looked at his screen and stared intently, signalling the end of the conversation.

2011-04-25T01:45:00.000-05:00

I've not been this happy, for such an extended period of time, in the last few months. I'm having the time of my life. I'm perpetually smiling, or laughing, or doing something productive.

A lot of this is cause of the friends i have here, a lot of it is cause of the Uni itself.

Me: I've been so happy recently, its not even funny.

Lank (smiling) : Yeah, i've noticed. I didn't say anything cause i didn't want to jinx it.

I love my life.

Just saying.

Nightmares

2011-04-17T15:52:00.000-05:00

I try not to sleep nowadays. Not sleep too much, anyways. Not cause i have a lot of work, but cause every time i sleep for long i have nightmares and i wake up in a bad mood. I tend only to sleep when my body is completely exhausted, and can't take it anymore. Its my new solution to it, and it seems to be working perfectly well till now.

Now the real question is: why the nightmares? I had a recurring nightmare last semester, and earlier this semester, but that has stopped. I knew exactly why those were happening, and i knew they would go away given time. And they did.

I don't see any reason i should have any nightmares now. I've been surprisingly happy the last month or so, happy on the outside at least. I've pushed down most things enough for them to not bother me immediately. My angers gone, replaced with frustration and pain. My pains gone, replaced with emptiness. It's all good, no? Really, it is. It just doesn't make sense to me. They shouldn't be happening! Damn it.

I want to go back to the time when i could sleep without being afraid of the next morning.

An Urban Legend

2011-04-16T23:35:00.000-05:00

The janitor in my dorm told me a story. I think its just an urban legend, but he promises me that its true.

Right next to my dorm is a graveyard in which there are said to be 8 graves of students from the area - students who all died in one year. The story goes something like this: In the early half of last century, there used to be a different dorm where my dorm stands now. In a single year 8 students committed suicide, were killed in accidents or went absconding. Something like that had never happened in the history of the school, and the Board was forced to shut down the dorm in lieu of protests. The dorm was eventually demolished and a new one was built - the one i live in now.

Every year, after Spring sets in and the weather is pleasant, there is one particular night during which people claim to hear the sound of teenagers laughing in the grave. No one knows which night it happens, but it inevitably does happen, and every year the legend grows. People have walked into the grave every time they hear the laughter, but most never find anyone. Or anything. The laughter ceases when they walk into the graveyard, and they never find anyone around. The laughter resumes as soon as they step out of the graveyard. Weird.

However, there are a few who claim to have seen the ghosts. These few, these lucky few who hide behind the bushes spying on them, have a story to tell. They claim to see 8 boys sitting in a circle next to a small tree. Some of them have cigarettes lit, and they seem to be passing around what looks like a joint. There's music playing, and everyone is either headbanging slowly, or laughing at a wisecrack. Some of them are lying on their backs looking at the few clouds, and at the stars beyond. They look like they're having the best night of their lives. The joint inevitably finishes, but no one moves. The laughter appears infectious - even a giggle from one person causes the entire group to burst out laughing for the next few minutes. They sit there till dawn, and slowly all disappear. No one has seen them return to their graves, but they somehow just vanish.

No one believes these stories, but the janitor promises me they're true. He's seen the boys apparently. "I've never seen a happier group of children", he told me.

I wonder if it's true. I really do.

2011-04-12T23:57:00.000-05:00

"Have you spoken to her recently?", Nik asked. It was a topic he'd avoided talking to her about over the last few months. He was surprised she even remembered after all this while.

The man looked away, the smoke from Sid's cigarette shrouding his face.

"Oi! I'm talking to you".

He looked at her from the corner of his eye and shrugged. She raised her eyebrows, as he turned away to avoid her piercing eyes. She had big beautiful eyes, which could go from the most loving look to the most disgusted look quicker than he'd ever imagined possible.

"Yeah. We talk once in a while", he replied.

"And?"

"And nothing. What do you want to know?", he replied, giving her a "i'm fine, don't worry about it"-look.

"We're eating lunch together tomorrow, right?", she quickly changed the topic.

"Of course!", he smiled. They were going one of the nicest bars on campus for a few beers and a quick meal. He hoped she'd forget his not answering her question the next day.

2011-04-09T19:18:00.000-05:00

Till hate do us part.

Last Summer..

2011-04-08T04:44:00.001-05:00

.. was amazing.

I made one of the best friends i've ever had.

I miss you. Come home for summer, please?

Are you dead yet?

2011-04-04T19:49:00.000-05:00

"Are you dead yet?", she messaged him.

"Huh? What're you talking about?" the man replied.

"With you, i have to check everyday if you've managed to kill yourself or not".

"Don't be stupid. I'm perfectly fine."

"You tell yourself that."

Candy

2011-04-04T13:48:00.001-05:00

The man sucked on the candy, and smiled. His eyelids began to flicker, as his mind refused to concentrate on one single thing. Music blared on his iPod, as he drowned out the sounds of the people talking around him.

People started to giggle. People started to sing. People started to do impromptu skits. People started to say things they'd eventually regret.

He began to laugh incessantly. He didn't speak a word.

It was beautiful.

2011-04-03T18:43:00.000-05:00

I've started playing cricket again. I'm no good at it, as you'd assume rightly. But its still fun. My friends team needed a few extra players to play in the college league so he asked Lank and i to play, and we happily agreed to.

Today was our first game and we lost pretty miserably. I refuse to give you the details of the scorecard - its too embarrassing. In our defense, we were playing the team that won the league last semester, so they were obviously extremely good.

There was tons of sledging though. It was all in good fun. Shouts like "Kamraan Akmal khel raha hai!" erupted from the 'dugout' every time our keeper dropped a catch. Their team would erupt in laughter, while ours would desperately try not to. Even i was sledged during the practice game - "Muse ka shirt pehen raha hai. Doper hoga. Kya khelega saala?". It took large amounts of restraint on my part not to burst out laughing, trust me.

PS: Its not easy to catch a ball, bowl, or bat with winds reaching 90 kmph on the field. Trust me.

Feeling Good

2011-04-01T00:17:00.001-05:00

Feeling Good - Muse

Cause i've not been this happy in a really long time.

Old Friends and New Disasters

2011-03-31T07:52:00.000-05:00

For some reason, in the last couple of weeks i've randomly re-connected with a lot of my old friends. I'd been super-close to some of them, and i'd barely ever talked to others. Somehow over the last couple of years i lost touch with most of them.

But now that we're talking again, its pretty fuckin epic.

I shan't speak of the disasters cause i'm in such an epic mood that they don't deserve to be written about. WE WON!

Sigh. My life has its ups and downs. It seems to be seeing a lot of ups lately. I like that.

The match we've all been waiting for... is here

2011-03-29T14:04:00.000-05:00

The only thing that any brown person at UIUC has been talking about the last few days is the India-Pak game later today. We're prepared to watch it, having bought a high-def stream of the game, and meticulously planning our sleep schedules to ensure we can watch the game with our full concentration.

Bring it on.

2011-03-29T09:06:00.000-05:00

"Mother, should i build The Wall?"

2011-03-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

Me: I'm gonna go study now *grin*
Aabha: Why you so happy about that re?
Me: Its this really cool thing i'm doing, so i'm super excited.
Aabha: You're secretly a 50 year old professor, aren't you?

Have i just been enlightened on who i am?

Probably.

QED

2011-03-28T03:25:00.000-05:00

Theres a certain joy in writing 'QED' at the end of an elaborate proof that you've labored over for a long time at 3 in the morning. Its gives me a sense of accomplishment that very few things give.

2011-03-24T19:23:00.000-05:00

Spring break's been.. weird? Its been nice cause i get to sleep, work at my own leisure, catch up with people back home, and just do random stuff all day long. Its messed up cause i have too much free time on my hands, and that usually fucks with my head in one way or another.

Also, i can't wait to get back to Hyderabad for the summer. I'll be interning somewhere (hopefully, anyway), and thats bound to be a really good experience. I'll also be meeting Sanj, finally. We haven't met in over a year, and shes been my closest friend for like forever, so that really sucks. I tell her everything. Like literally everything. Honestly, emails, sporadic phone calls, and the frequent chats on FB, just dont cut it. I wanna sit with my friends back home, over a really nice hookah, and just talk and laugh. I miss last summer.

The worst part? I know that as soon as i get back to Hyderabad, i'll be dying to come back to UofI. It sucks that i'm love with two different places so far apart, and its impossible to be content with just one of them.

Lost Track of Time in a Flurry of Smoke

2011-03-22T20:05:00.000-05:00

The man stared out the window, a low tide in his glass. He'd need a refill soon.

Spring Break '11

2011-03-20T22:36:00.000-05:00

Spring break is finally here.

I visited a friend i hadn't met in over 2 years, at Northwestern, over the weekend. It was a lot of fun catching up with her, exchanging the crazy stories we've had since we last met (and trust me, there are lots). We sat on the banks of Lake Michigan for a while, just listening to the waves crash against the rock. It was beautiful.

And now a week of relaxing, interspersed with finishing off work due right after break and catching up on stuff that was done before it.

I Need To Be Yelled At Every Now & Then

2011-03-18T20:05:00.000-05:00

"You don't think. Things like academics, fine, you do them properly. You know all the smart person things. But what about the normal person things? You never think about that, do you? You have no idea how to take care of yourself. You're stupid!", my best friend yelled at me earlier today.

Thanks. I needed that. I love you.

5 AM Math

2011-03-18T05:28:00.000-05:00

Its 5 in the morning, and i've been studying all night. Its been one of the hardest weeks since i've gotten to college - i've been up most nights studying, with assignments due almost everyday and two consecutive exams. I've barely slept, and if it wasn't for the prospect of failing my exam tomorrow, my body would've rejected any attempts at trying to stay awake.

My last few hours have been a blur - an absurd concoction of math, the gentle drone of my fan, the incessant chirping of birds, and the occasional sound of a car speeding past my dorm.

Come 3 in the afternoon today, i will collapse on the bed for the next few hours. Till then, the machine pushes on.

2011-03-15T00:19:00.000-05:00

Homeward bound, i wish i was.

2011-03-14T23:49:00.000-05:00

The man looked up from his phone. He had just sent a text he never thought he would. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

She replied.

He replied.

She replied.

He replied.

She didn't.

It felt awful. But he knew it had to be done.

'Cause he had never thought it'd come to this.

'Cause it'd been them.

'Cause he'd always love her.

Snuff - Sliknot

2011-03-14T04:37:00.000-05:00

Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins

The air around me still feels like a cage

And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me, let me go

And run away before I know

My heart is just too dark to care

I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my Fate

If I'm alone I cannot hate

I don't deserve to have you

Ooh, my smile was taken long ago

If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips

And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss

I couldn't face a life without your light

But all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care

I think I made it very clear

You couldn't hate enough to love

Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend

Then I could hurt you in the end

I never claimed to be a Saint

Ooh, my own was banished long ago

It took the death of Hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones

And spit your pity in my soul

You never needed any help

You sold me out to save yourself

And I won't listen to your shame

You ran away, you're all the same

Angels lie to keep control

Ooh, my love was punished long ago

If you still care, don't ever let me know...

Cause i feel exactly like this.

2011-03-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

Aj: Yes yes, blue body art is all the rage now *scoffs*

I love that kid. He just makes my day.

2011-03-13T14:36:00.000-05:00

Forevers not so long.

Till her forever ends before yours.

And then forever becomes unending, like it was always meant to.

Engineering Open House!

2011-03-12T16:41:00.000-06:00

We just got back from the Engineering Open House, and it was orgasmic.

The entire Engineering Quad, plus most of the cool department buildings (read: Siebel), had some pretty nifty presentations. But all of that was child's play, compared to what we saw at Beckman. Beckman had some of the coolest presentations i've ever seen. The best part was when we went to see the robot exhibit, one of the guys who was working on that project taught Lank last semester, so we started talking to him about his work on the robot. He explained to us a lot of things, and even gave us a small presentation on his laptop regarding his other area of research.

Brain jizz. Right there.

Every day that i stay at UIUC, i fall in love with it more.

2011-03-12T12:41:00.002-06:00

Its weird how your mind refuses to let go of things that it knows are bad for you.

2011-03-11T12:13:00.000-06:00

Your silence screams goodbye.

The Game

2011-03-10T20:28:00.000-06:00

"Its a joke to you, isn't it? Its a game. How far can you push it? Will you reject it, or will you give in? How long till you give in? How long will you survive? How long till you succumb? How long can your body take it? How strong are you? Its a fucking game for you, isn't it?", he yelled.

"Yeah, it is", he replied staring back. "And you know the best part? Regardless of which way the game goes, i still win", he said, before he began to laugh uncontrollably.

2011-03-09T16:25:00.000-06:00

I found it really freaky that this blog has 22 followers, and my other blog has 7 followers. And in the Blogger dashboard, this blog was above the other one. So all i saw for a few seconds was 22 and below that 7.

22/7 is a the usual approximation for Pi, albeit a pretty bad one correct only to 2 decimal places. My inner-nerd (some claim my inner-nerd isn't too deep down inside. I tend to agree), freaked out.

Interestingly, take the first three odd numbers and write then down, twice each (i.e. 113355). Now take the last three digits and divide that by the first three digits (i.e. 355/113), and you get Pi approximated to 7 decimal places. An easy way to remember an extremely good approximation of Pi!

Also, i never claimed you'd find the above paragraph interesting, simply that i do. So don't shoot me if i've just wasted two minutes of your life.

2011-03-08T23:19:00.001-06:00

I'm delirious.

I didn't sleep the whole of last night, and barely slept the two nights before that.

And i've been working all of today.

Spring break is in a little over a week. Next weeks gonna be hell though, with two midterms, one quiz and three homeworks.

2011-03-08T01:13:00.000-06:00

I woke up yesterday, lay in bed for half an hour, thinking. I had been working on this CS problem for almost 2 days and i was frustrated. It wasn't that hard, i was almost certain of that. It was maybe 30 lines of code, maximum. But i just couldn't figure out how to do it. And then somehow, from somewhere, i got this idea. It was a pretty neat idea, if i may say so myself. I immediately got up and started coding.

An hour or so later, i looked at the screen. Squinted at it, rather. This wasn't right. I knew my algorithm would work, it was certain to, but either i was implementing it wrongly, or my memory management was fucked up.

Break time. I decided to shower.

Mid-shower, i got a genius idea. I was iterating the damned thing, i should be using recursion instead! Pullu and i had spoken about something similar earlier in the semester, and we'd come up with a pretty neat algorithm. I would need to drastically modify that idea, but it was a good starting point. I ran back to my room, and in under 15 min i'd written 10 lines of code that worked magnificently. I stared at the screen in pride. I called up Sid and screamed in joy - i'd finished the fucking thing!

Sometime during this entire process, Diti called me. I spoke to her for about an hour. For the most part it was both of us yelling at the top of our voices just hoping the other person would just shut up and listen. I conclusively proved to her, yet again, why i should make all the decisions in her life, and why shes almost a guy. Damn right, woman. Its been made official now.

The next few hours were spent finishing off the rest of the homework, which was a bitch, especially cause i refused to work properly. Lank and i spent two hours doing the same problem, again and again, making the same mistake over and over again, and finally just got tired of it. It was ridiculously stupid of me not to see where we were going wrong. We eventually got it, with help from Pullu, of course.

It was a day of glories, it was a day of pathetic-ness. It was a good day.

If You Know What I Mean *wink*